We'll Always Have Boston
by Lizwontcry
Summary: Between meeting at the Forensics Academy Conference and working together in Vegas, Sara attends Grissom's lecture in Boston. She can't help but wonder what could happen between the two of them, but as usual, Grissom's feelings run hot and cold.
1. Prologue

**A/N:** So technically this is kind of AU because it's not canon. It's been in my head for a while now-what if Sara and Grissom had more than that one week to get to know each other and build on their feelings before she came to Vegas? What if there was more than one week of chemistry and tension and frustration, what if they shared more than just conversation?

The good news is, I've already finished the story and will be posting every couple of days. It's about 12 chapters long. As always I appreciate all comments, praise and concrit. Also as always, huge thanks to my beta Vanessa, AKA GSFanatic, who is the most patient person ever.

Thanks for reading!

* * *

_Paris, February 2010_

The snow was coming down pretty hard now; the only thing Sara could see from the window was a cascading sheet of white. She hadn't seen so much snow since Boston, and those days were so far behind her now, they were like a dream. While her days at Harvard consisted of mostly happy memories, her most memorable time in Boston wasn't at Harvard. It was years after she graduated, and it was spent with Gil Grissom.

As if he was drawn to her subconscious thoughts, Grissom came up behind his wife and wrapped his arms around her. She smiled and locked fingers with his, enjoying the comfort of his warmth.

"What are you thinking about?" He whispered in her ear.

"I'm thinking about how much I do not want to go back to Vegas tomorrow," she said, which wasn't exactly the truth, but it was, in fact, true. "Tell me why I'm doing that again?"

"Honestly, I'm sure there are reasons but I can't seem to think of any right now," Grissom said. Sara smiled, and let the moment continue without stating the reasons why. That was the difference between their current relationship and their relationship of the past-a few years ago, one of them would have to be logical and point out exactly the reasons why. Now they just let the moments happen, and worried about the consequences later.

There were actually quite a few reasons, and they both knew the list by heart. Sara could make more money back home than in Paris, for one. Grissom interviewing subjects for his book on serial killers was another reason. No matter how much therapy and rationalizing and deep breathing techniques she tried, Sara was still not comfortable with the subject. Two and a half years had passed since the Miniature Killer incident had occurred, but that didn't make it any less raw; any less fresh in her mind. She supported her husband's book and knew he'd write something fascinating and brilliant, but that didn't mean she wanted to be present for it.

But the biggest reason Sara frequently commuted back to Las Vegas was because they weren't sure what else to do. At some point during their stay in Costa Rica, it was decided that it was absolutely necessary they get married. Olivia, one of Sara's old friends from Harvard (and the reason why Sara decided to go to Costa Rica in the first place) was an ordained minister, and 2 hours after Grissom proposed, they were married. The only problem was, they weren't sure how that whole marriage thing was supposed to work. They tried being apart for a long time, that didn't work. They tried the working together/living together routine; that didn't work either. Both of them acknowledged that it may take some getting used to, but they were both committed to seeing it through. So Sara would continue to trek back to the States while Grissom stayed behind in his world of academia. It was working...so far. But they still missed each other when she was gone.

"It's getting heavy out there," Grissom said. "I'm glad we're stuck in here." Sara glanced outside again, and indeed the snow was coming down in heavy sheets of white, making Paris look even more like a fantasy than before, if that was possible.

"Yes, I'm glad we don't have any plans tonight," Sara said. She looked at the roaring fire in the fireplace, the comfortable dog on the sofa, and the beautiful man in front of her. There was absolutely nowhere else she'd rather be. Again, it reminded her of another time in their lives when she had a similar feeling.

"You know what I think about when I see this snow?" She asked, deciding to let him in on her thoughts. Sara wasn't sure why she was hesitant to tell him. Maybe it was because she was feeling sentimental, which Grissom wasn't exactly known to embrace.

"I have a feeling that I do know," Grissom said, a sly grin forming on his face. "But tell me about it anyway."

"You know," she said.

"Boston, 1999," they said together, and shared a chuckle.

"Well, I'm glad you remember," she said. "Because it is one of my fondest memories."

"How could I forget?" He said, looking nostalgic. He held her tighter against him, and she gave into the memories.


	2. Chapter 1

_Boston, December 1999_

As soon as the plane landed safely in Boston, Sara breathed a sigh of relief. It was always good to be back in the city that always embraced her. It was the place that let her start over after her childhood never let her forget. Nobody knew about her past in Boston. Nobody knew the stories her old home in California had to tell.

Sara looked out the window of the plane and was again struck by how beautiful the snow falling to the ground was. Being from California, she was still completely fascinated by the peace the falling snow brought her. It calmed her; quieted her screaming mind, at least for a moment.

Sara sailed through baggage claim, rented herself an inexpensive Volkswagen Jetta, and made her way to the restaurant where she was meeting Katie, her roommate from college. Sara didn't make female friends very easily, so she took their bond very seriously.

Kate seemed just as happy to see her, and they laughed and talked about old times over vegetarian burritos and strawberry margaritas. And just like old times, Kate tried to flirt with the waiter just to make Sara laugh, which worked, and obnoxiously so. Sara talked about her work at the lab in San Francisco, which was hard in many ways but ultimately rewarding.

When they ran out of small talk, Kate finally got down to business.

"Okay, Sara, I don't buy for a second that you're out here for what, a conference on immigration and forensics? Why do you need to know about these things, exactly?" Kate did not quite understand Sara's line of work. She was a physics teacher at Boston College and the mere  
sight of blood sent her screaming like a banshee.

"It's a conference concerning US immigration in the new millennium. The lecture my boss wanted me to attend concerns digital forensics. I think it's going to be fascinating, actually."

"Digital forensics? What the hell are you talking about, Sara?"

"Well, I'm not sure yet. That's why I'm going to the conference. You know. To learn more about it." To be honest, Sara wasn't even sure if Grissom knew more than her about digital forensics. He only learned how to use his email after one of his colleagues finally showed him last year, and that was kicking and screaming. Grissom certainly did not embrace technology, so this lecture was going to be interesting.

"Okay, screw digital forensics, whatever. I have a feeling I know why you're here, so stop talking about the mumbo jumbo and just tell me."

"What do you mean?" Sara asked coyly. "My boss sent me here for the conference because he knew I went to college here, and it's always good to hone your skills. Right?"

Katie scoffed. "Sara. I was your roommate for 3 years. I know a lot of people buy your BS that the only thing you're about is the job, but I happen to know differently. I know you and Doug have been emailing each other. And I also know that he's single again because that skank he was dating dumped him. So really I just need to know one thing."

"What's that?" Sara said, continuing to play dumb.

"Why are you _really_ here? You volunteered to come here. Your boss didn't make you, right? Just tell me. Who else can you talk to about these things?"

Sara sighed. "Okay, yes, I may have an ulterior motive to come here. But it's not what you think."

"Do tell," Kate said, her interest piqued.

Sara didn't know where to start, exactly. It all made sense in her head, but she knew if she tried to explain, it would come out all wrong. So she decided to keep it simple.

"I met somebody. Else. Somebody else."

Kate stared at her, not trying to conceal her surprise. Sara did not just "meet" people. It was a battle to even get her to admit she liked Doug in the first place. In college, when Kate was always on the lookout for the next boyfriend or make-out session or one-night stand, Sara was burying her nose in the books. Dating was just not that important to her. So needless to say, Kate was fascinated by this new development.

"Are you going to tell me about him, or am I going to have to torture it out of you?"

Sara grinned, not wanting to give up her secret quite yet. It was just too delicious.

"Sara, seriously. I have my ways of making you talk, you know that."

Sara thought about it. She'd been keeping this secret for nearly a year and was actually dying to tell someone about it. She decided if she was going to tell anyone, it might as well be one of her best friends.

"His name is Grissom. Well, Gil. Gil Grissom. He's a CSI at the lab in Vegas. I went to the Forensics Academy Conference last year because it was in San Francisco and why not? I didn't think I'd learn anything new, but Grissom's lecture was fascinating to me. And so we got to talking, and maybe flirted a little, and ALMOST kissed the night before he left town. We've talked more or less every day since then. He doesn't know I'm going to be at the digital forensics lecture tomorrow."

"Hmm. That seems like a bit of a gamble, don't you think?" Katie said.

"Well, he does work in Vegas, so..."

"So he's used to gamblers, I see. This is so, I don't know, impulsive of you, Sara. What are you going to tell him? For that matter, what are you going to tell Doug? Doug doesn't even know about this digital forensics thing. He thinks you're here to see him."

"He does know. I told him on the phone that I was going to squeeze in the lecture while I was here. He laughed and said that was so me. And, you know what? I don't have it all figured out. I don't know what I'll say to either one of them. I don't know which one I want to see more. I'm here to figure it out, and I'm not leaving until I do. I know it's not the best plan, but I'm human, Katie. "

Katie shook her head and chuckled. "That is so like you, Sidle. You barely talk about the male species the entire time we're roommates, and then you come here trying to seduce two men at once. You're the most stubborn chick I've ever met, and I love you for it." Sara smiled, not sure what else to say. She didn't really like where Katie was going with that, but it was, in fact, true.

When lunch was finished and their conversation was winding down, Sara checked her watch and smiled. "The lecture starts in an hour. I should go, I'll see you later."

"You're going like THAT?" Katie asked, not meaning to sound quite so confrontational, Sara knew. She was just wearing her usual daily uniform-a black tank top and jeans.

"Yeah. Why? It's not like I'm going to the prom. It's a lecture. Grissom will probably talk about bugs. I don't feel the need to dress up for that.

"At least do something with your hair. For me?"

"I don't think so. Grissom seems to like my hair in a ponytail."

Kate stared at Sara in a way that made her uncomfortable.

"I see. Well, good luck. But do me a favor, please?"

"What?" Sara said, getting slightly irritated.

"Don't...don't put all your eggs in one basket. I don't know this Grissom person but it sounds like you've been building him up in your heart quite a bit, and the last thing I want to see is for you to get hurt."

"Trust me, Katie. I won't. I just have a feeling about this one."

Katie didn't look convinced, but shook it off and said, "Okay, my friend. Have fun. I'll see you later?"

"Of course," Sara said. They hugged, and Sara walked to her car, actually whistling a little tune to herself. Katie shook her head and tried not to worry about her best friend's heart.

* * *

**A/N - There was actually a conference at Harvard in 1999 called "U.S. Immigration at the Millennium: With Liberty and Justice for All?" I figured that was the kind of thing Grissom would love.**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N - Thanks for the reviews! They are much appreciated. **

Sara sat in her car in front of Harvard Law School's Austin Hall, appreciating the history and the myths associated with the building. She was also doing some thinking about the history and myths associated with Gil Grissom, the man she was about to surprise with her presence. A tiny bit of panic was starting to set in when she thought about what she was doing. It didn't seem like the best plan anymore, the more she thought about it. A year ago, she listened to him talk for days about a double murder like it was the most fascinating thing she'd ever heard. And now she was back, why exactly?

Before she went too far down that road, she stole a quick look at herself in the rear-view mirror and decided she looked fine. Maybe even cute. So she took one last deep breath before exiting the pain in the ass Volkswagen rental car, which actually made her miss the gas guzzling, ancient Honda waiting for her back home. Sara was saving money for a more environmentally-friendly car to replace her current abomination, but she worked for the county. Saving up was slow-going.

As she stepped out of her car, her cell rang, startling her. The cell phone thing was still new to her and she wasn't quite ecstatic about always being available to whoever called her. Still, she answered distractedly, not wanting to check a voicemail later from her irate boss or someone else who needed her.

"Talk to me," she said, closing her car door and trying to balance her backpack full of study materials.

"Hey, babe, it's me," Doug said, and Sara inwardly sighed. Oh, yeah, the guy she was supposedly in Boston to see. She forgot.

"Hey, you," she said. "I'm just about to walk into a lecture. What's up?"

"I just wanted to see if you had any plans tonight. I want to take you to House of Pizza. I know you're craving the garlic slice."

"I am, actually," she said, smiling. "I can taste it now. But I'm not sure how long the lecture is going to go yet, so let me call you later, okay?"

"Okay," he said, sounding disappointed, which made Sara feel like hell. "I'll be looking forward to your call." He hung up, and she put her purse in her backpack. She hated to disappoint Doug, but the truth was, she was planning to ask Grissom for coffee or something when the lecture was over. Maybe it wasn't the best plan; maybe she was, in fact, playing with fire, but she wasn't perfect. Her life was an experiment right now, she reasoned. And so she put thoughts of Doug behind her and stepped into her future.

* * *

Sara walked through the halls of Harvard, the institution she knew so well; the school responsible for making her feel alive when she thought nothing was capable of doing so after everything she'd been through. She felt very comfortable in these halls. Even better, she felt very comfortable with the man she was about to see for the first time in over a year.

Sara knew she didn't need a man to make her feel complete. All the accomplishments she'd acquired over the years satisfied her in a way that a man never could. But there was something about Gil Grissom that made her feel at home. He made her feel good about herself-as a woman, as a student, as an investigator...and nobody ever made her feel like that, not even Doug, who was by far the most serious boyfriend she ever had. Grissom had a way of making her feel like she could conquer anything she wanted, and that was not something she was used to feeling.

As usual, Sara was 10 minutes early to the lecture. There were a few students scattered about and no sign of Grissom yet. She sat in the front row, a habit she developed based on one of the only pieces of advice her father had ever given her. But whereas most of the time she sat in the front to better see the presentation, this time, it was to better see the man giving the presentation.

As she sorted her notebook, blue pen, black pen, highlighter and pencil, students started filling in and talking softly amongst themselves. A young, attractive sandy-haired gentleman sat down next to her and smiled. She also smiled politely and said hello, but kept her attention straight ahead. Sara knew what she was here for, and it wasn't him.

10 minutes later, Grissom was late. This was not an uncommon characteristic for him. Sara passed the time by doodling in her notebook and listening to the other student's random conversations. It wasn't long before she suddenly felt his presence enter the room. Well, it was more like the random conversations stopped and all eyes were suddenly at the front of the room. Grissom had that kind of demeanor; the kind that demanded attention when he walked into a classroom.

Grissom gave his students a once-over but didn't direct his attention to the front row yet. She took the opportunity to take him in. He looked like he aged about five years in the year since she'd seen him, but he still looked good. He was wearing a polo that looked like it had seen less snug days. His eyes were as blue as ever. And when he turned around-yep, he still had that ass she was so fond of, much to her pleasure.

In the seconds that followed, she briefly wondered to herself if, in her head, she made this man-a man, by all accounts, she hardly knew-something he could never possibly live up to. She put him on a pedestal, there was no denying that. _Well,_ she thought to herself, _I guess we're about to find out._

"How do you spot a modern spider?" Grissom asked. The class groaned. They were all familiar with his strange sense of humor when it came to his field of entomology. Grissom went on, undeterred.

"He doesn't have a web, he has a website."

He let the class take this one in. Slowly but surely, the students began to laugh. Sara chuckled herself, appreciating his dorky sense of humor.

"You may think that's just another one of my lame jokes, but it's actually quite fitting for what we're going to talk about here today. In the new millennium, digital forensics is going to be one of the most important crime solving techniques. Websites, phones, hard drives, software, hardware...anything you can think of, we can use it to find evidence. I've been spending a lot of time researching this lately. Well, I had to, because when they told me they wanted me to give this lecture, I could barely figure out how to check my email."

As Grissom continued engaging the students, Sara studied him closely. He knew how to captivate an audience, that was for sure. She wondered if somehow she could captivate him in the same way. Could they ever have more than a peer-educator relationship? San Francisco and Las Vegas weren't THAT far away from each other, and Sara was open to moving...

But then she shook it off, as she always did when her line of thinking got that far. There was no indication he'd want anything resembling a relationship, and anyway, she wasn't that girl. She had an amazing job in California, good friends, a nice rented townhouse. Why would she uproot her life for this man; a man, by all accounts, she barely even knew?

Grissom was now showing some slides about the overview of the lecture. His teaching assistant, a tiny little brunette who never took her eyes off him, was helping with the slides while he was talking animatedly with his hands. Sara focused on his hands. His hands were very nice. It wasn't long before she was imagining what he could do with those hands...

His voice interrupted her illicit thoughts of his hands.

"Sara Sidle," he said, grinning at her slightly. "Didn't get enough the first time around?"

Oh, he sure knew how to make a girl blush.

"I guess not," she said, her voice way too shaky for her liking.

"Well, that benefits all of us, I guess," he said. "So give us an example of how you've used digital forensics in your line of work. Sara works at the crime lab in San Francisco, so she's probably used this technique many, many times without even thinking about it."

She tried to stop blushing, but she wasn't sure how. So she grinned and told the story of how her team was on the trail of a man who was showing up naked at women's apartments and dashing when he was spotted. They tracked him down after he stupidly used one unsuspecting woman's computer to check his email.

"Well, that's a good example, but not typical, at least not anymore," Grissom said. "Now that email is getting more popular and everyone is learning more about how the internet works, criminals are getting smarter. So I'm here to show you more involved and complicated techniques to catch the criminals in action."

Grissom gave Sara one last contemplative look, and then turned to the rest of the class. She thought to herself, _okay, moving right along here._ While she made herself take notes, she also thought about the next step. Did she ask him out for coffee? Did she wait for him to ask her? It had been so long since she asked someone out, at least since high school. How did people do this? It was so much easier not to date. But then, she thought, she'd never get to experience the warmth of his blue eyes when they looked back at her. And she wasn't willing to go without that, not if it were up to her. And she liked to think it was.

* * *

At the end of the lecture, Sara watched as half the students in the class all rushed up to Grissom in a mad dash to ask him questions. She couldn't help but chuckle and remember how she did the exact same thing after hearing him lecture for the first time. It took a while, but finally she was the last one standing-well, sitting.

"So, Sara Sidle. It's nice to see you. What are you doing here in town?" He asked her as he collected his belongings.

"I'm here for the lecture." Wasn't that obvious? "Jack knew I went to school here, so he sent me instead of someone who didn't know the area as well."

"Oh, well, I should probably call Jack and say hello. Well, did you enjoy the lecture?"

"Very much so, as usual," she said, trying not to sound desperate for his attention, which he had on everything but her at the moment. "I look forward to learning more about digital forensics. Hey, listen, what are you doing right now? Do you maybe want to grab a cup-"

"Gil, you ready?" Grissom's teaching assistant, the tiny brunette, grabbed his briefcase and looked at him expectantly. He looked at Sara apologetically, but not apologetically enough to change his plans for her.

"Oh, sorry, Sara, but Carrie and I were going to the cafeteria to go over tomorrow's lecture. You can come if you'd like..."

Sara knew she had to decline this sad offer, no matter how badly she wanted to spend any amount of extra time with him. "Oh, no, that's okay. I'll just catch the lecture tomorrow. See you... later."

He smiled one last time, and he and Carrie walked off, laughing and talking about who knows what. Her heart sinking, Sara pulled out her cell. "Doug? Yeah, I'm finished. Let's meet for dinner tonight." It wasn't what she had in mind for the evening, but sometimes plans changed.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N - Backstory, anyone? Also: thanks for the reviews, I worked a long time on this and I'm glad it's being enjoyed. Thirdly: I'm not gonna lie, I might have abused the semi colon in this chapter. I hope you'll still like me after it's all over.**

Thanks for reading! I'll probably post the next chapter on Friday.

"Sara? Are you okay? You seem really distracted tonight," Doug said, eying her closely. She wasn't used to such intense observation, but that was Doug. It was something she never got used to; the way he'd dote on her.

Doug and Sara met in one of her many physics classes at Harvard; she wasn't even sure which one anymore. They were lab partners on an experiment, and Doug seemed taken with her right away.  
She was 19 years old, had been at Harvard for almost 3 years and had only dated a handful of boys at the school. It wasn't that they weren't nice people; she just never liked them enough to get to the point where she felt comfortable telling them about her family. And if she didn't trust them that much, what was even the point of dating them at all? That attitude made her dating life rather unexciting, but that's the way she liked it at the time.

Doug asked her out while they were working on verifying the Stefan-Boltzmann law in an experiment on thermal radiation.

While Sara was adjusting the voltage on the lamp, Doug looked at her with admiration in his eyes. Although she didn't date much, Sara knew when a man had something on his mind. She wished he'd get it over with already so they could move on with the experiment.

"So, Sara...it's been fun being your partner," he finally said.

"Oh, yeah, it's been great," she said, not taking her eyes off the lamp. "You're a good partner. Thanks for being so helpful, I appreciate it."

"Any time," he said, and she knew he meant it. "You're the only girl in this class who takes physics seriously. You're so smart. That's really sexy."

Sara chuckled. Really, she wondered if he was this utterly dorky all the time or just when he was asking a girl out. Since she didn't want this to last all day, she decided to help him out.

"Doug, do you want to grab a bite to eat after class? Maybe get a burrito or something at the Mexican food place down the street? I'm starving."

Doug looked ecstatic. "That would be great! I'm starving, too." He chuckled. "I kinda hope we can get this experiment done as fast as possible now."

Sara was charmed by his childlike exuberance. And once they sat down for lunch and he calmed down, she realized they had a lot in common. He was also from California, had one brother, they liked a lot of the same movies, both had no time or urge to watch TV these days, and had both been to three Replacements concerts each.

She wasn't attracted to him at first sight. Doug was 6'3, a lot taller than the men she was used to dating. He had dark brown eyes and dirty blond hair down to his shoulders. Sara preferred almost the opposite-blue eyes and dark hair. But he was cute in a surfer boy kind of way, and she grew to appreciate his style.

He waited to kiss her until after their third date. After dinner at the nicest restaurant they could afford as struggling college students, he drove her back to her dorm in his 1985 Mustang and talked about light sabers all the way to the door. While Sara fumbled for the keys that were hidden somewhere in the dark recesses of her purse, he grabbed her hand and she looked up. He smiled, touched her face, and then made his move. It was a nice kiss. And for the next couple of months after that, she found herself enjoying his kisses more and more. It felt nice to let herself fall in love, which she was definitely doing.

Sara made it known that after graduation, she was moving back to California for graduate school. Doug then made it known that he had every intention of coming with her.

"I don't understand why you don't want me to go," he'd always say when they inevitably had this conversation again.

"You already have a great job lined up here when you graduate," she'd always say, at least trying to have a hint of sadness in her voice. Doug was basically promised a job as a lab assistant in a prominent Boston research facility. It was an amazing job for someone just out of school, and she was constantly telling him he'd be dumb not to take this opportunity. Plus. she knew if he went with her to California, that meant their relationship was more serious than she was prepared to deal with at the time. They'd probably live together, and sooner or later he'd ask her to marry him. As much as she loved him, she knew that wasn't a road she wanted to go down, at least not yet.

"You know I don't care about that," Doug would inevitably say. "I'll follow you anywhere."

Every time they had this discussion, Sara never knew what to say to that. So she'd change the subject or just refuse to talk about it altogether. Doug loved her so much, he would let her get away with it. He knew about her past; about her childhood. He was patient with her. She knew she was a pain in the ass when it came to relationships, but he hung in there. Nobody else ever had.

After graduation, Sara made empty promises to try to keep the relationship going long distance, he in Boston and she at Berkeley. By Thanksgiving of her first year, she finally managed to break it off with him. Not that she was happy about that, but it was just easier. For her, anyway. He could find someone better suited for him; someone who cared for him as much as he deserved. Sara was just too driven to put any real effort into a relationship. And, she thought to herself, she had earned the right to be selfish.

At Berkeley, she dated every now and then, but nobody serious. Most Friday and Saturday nights were spent in the library, trying to get the better grade, the better recommendations, the better knowledge than the rest of her peers. She made a few friends who had the same drive, and every couple of weeks, they'd get together and drink as much beer as possible. It wasn't a bad life. If she had to be back in California, this was the best kind of experience.

After a year apart, Sara broke down and called Doug. He'd come to California every couple of months and they'd go out, share a nice meal and then share her bed. She never asked if he was dating anyone at the time. She wanted to keep things uncomplicated, and he knew that. He didn't like it, but he knew it.

This continued after she graduated and found her place at a lab in San Francisco. Things were happening for Doug in Boston; his star was on the rise in his career. Sara knew he wanted her to move back there with him, but again, he respected her wishes and didn't pursue the issue. Sometimes she wished he would. Sometimes she wished he'd be passionate about his feelings for her instead of always respecting her feelings instead. But that's not the way things worked in their relationship, and that's what kept it going when all indicators pointed to their entanglement ending prematurely.

* * *

Everything changed when she met Gil Grissom. There was something about him. His confidence. His blue eyes. His knowledge. His fascination with bugs, which Sara found endearing. And the way he looked at her sometimes when he didn't think she was looking.

On the first day of the lecture, she introduced herself as Jack's newest employee. Grissom looked intrigued. He said, "Ah, so this is the new protege I've been hearing so much about. Well, I'm looking forward to this week and I hope you are, too. I wouldn't want Jack to get a bad report about me."

Sara had giggled—giggled—and said, "Oh, I'm sure I'll learn a lot. I'm looking forward to it as well."

"Great. I'll see you tomorrow, then." He looked at her expectantly. She finally got the hint to leave.

The rest of the week was spent working her ass off to learn everything he had to teach her, while also trying to get his attention as much as possible. She barely knew the man, but she wanted to impress him. It was exhausting, but exhilarating.

The last day of his lecture at Berkeley, after a week of stolen glances and not-so-subtle flirtation, Sara finally got him to agree to go to dinner with her. He was hesitant for a long time-she was basically his pupil, it wouldn't be right.

"I only have the purest of intentions, I assure you," she told him on the last day. It was a blatant lie, but he didn't need to know that just yet. "I've just started my career in the lab and I want to pick your brain about a few things."

"I just don't think that would be a good idea," Grissom said. For him, it was just that simple, which was quite frustrating for Sara. It wasn't that she wanted to seduce him, exactly, but after a week of exchanging ideas and flirtations and longing looks, she was convinced there was something between them that couldn't simply be brushed off as nothing important. It was important to her. She wanted to see what would happen in a non-educational setting. What would happen if it was just the two of them, in a scenario where anything could happen? The thought alone sent chills down her spine.

"Are you sure? I make the most amazing vegetarian lasagna you've ever tasted. Come over, we'll eat, we'll talk. No big deal."

"I didn't know you were a vegetarian."

"Oh, well, I try not to eat meat most of the time, but I have a weakness for a really good steak."

Grissom chuckled. "Okay, Sara, I'll be there. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a good lasagna." She silently hoped he also had a weakness for her.  


* * *

  
The night went rather smoothly, all things considered. It was a little awkward when he first sat down on her tiny sofa in her tiny apartment. But way too much lasagna and three glasses of wine later, after they spent a few hours discussing victimology, the system, Sara's addiction to the Violent Femmes, evidence chains, blood spatter, Grissom's obsession with the Cubs, and serial killers, there was a lull in conversation. Sara noticed Grissom taking a long look at her legs, which she supposed was the whole point of wearing a skirt anyway. He then looked into her eyes, and they shared a glance that was about 16 seconds too long; basically a sexy staring contest.

"Well...I guess I should take off now," he said, slurring slightly.

"You shouldn't drive," Sara blurted out. "You can have my bed and I'll sleep on the sofa."

Grissom laughed. Sara appreciated his laugh. It was full of charisma and charm and sex.

"I walked here. My hotel is a block away. But thank you, Sara. You've been a most accommodating student this week."

Sara didn't want to be his student. She wasn't sure what she wanted to be, exactly, but it wasn't that. Still, she tried her best. A week's work of thoughtful questions and stimulating ideas, a nice dinner, copious amounts of wine...what else could she do? Could he just not take a hint or what? She decided, with drunken courage, to make one last-ditch effort.

Grissom rose to his feet and shakily walked to the door. "It's been a good week," he told her. "Thanks for everything. I wish more of my students were like you."

"Will I ever see you again?"

"I'm sure our paths will cross again someday," he said wearily. He reached for her hand, presumably to shake it. Instead, she leaned in and was about to make it to his lips when he stepped back and said, "Sara...it just can't happen."

"Why not?"

"It's not a good time," was all he would say. He hugged her somewhat awkwardly. "Like I said, I'm sure our paths will cross again someday."

"Will it...be a good time then?" She never sounded so pathetic in her life, but she was past the point of caring. Too much wine, too much stimulation, too much Grissom.

"Sara, I...I have to go." He kissed her forehead and made a quick escape.

She closed the door and shrank down to the floor, feeling utterly defeated and lonely.

But a few days later, he emailed her. He said it was nice to meet her. That he put in a good word with Jack. Sometimes he'd call her just to say hello. Sometimes she did the same. But he never mentioned the kiss that could have been. It was probably better that way. But it left her wanting more, and she wondered how long she'd have to wait before she saw Gil Grissom again.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N Thanks again for the reviews, they warm my heart!**

This chapter is particularly Doug-heavy, but the next chapter won't be. I will post it at some point tomorrow. Thanks for reading!

Sara and Doug were enjoying a cup of coffee after the lecture. He was looking very handsome these days, Sara had to give him that. He looked calm and reasonable and stable. Which he was.

After a few minutes of small talk, Doug finally got to the point.

"So you called me because you were in town for a lecture, huh? Is that the only reason why?"

Doug loved asking questions that made others uncomfortable.

"That's part of the reason," Sara admitted. "But not the whole reason."

"Dot dot dot," he said. Sara laughed. But how did she go about explaining this?

"I've been thinking about you lately. About us. I heard Hillary dumped you. I wanted to see how you were holding up."

Doug sighed. "We've been over this. You know how I feel about you. You know what I can give you-what I want to give you. So don't mess with my head. What do you want out of this week, exactly? Just tell me."

He was always getting right to the point. It was unnerving, even if Sara was used to it.

"I want to spend time with you. I want to see how I feel about that. I want no pressure to make it something else. And I want my space."

"Well, I guess I'll have to deal with that," he said. Sara nodded, and they drank their coffee quietly for a few minutes. When she thought the worst of it was over, he said, "So why else are you here?"

"For the lecture, Doug. I've told you this."

Doug rolled his eyes.

"I don't believe that, and I'll tell you why. There are lectures at Harvard almost every single day. There have been a dozen forensics-related conferences in the past year. Why did you choose this one? I have an inkling, but I just want you to tell me so we can move forward here."

Well, when he put it that way...Sara made a quick decision to tell him. He deserved to know.

"His name is Gil Grissom. He's a crime scene analyst in Vegas and he's doing the digital forensics lecture. I met him last year."

"Are you dating him?"

"No."

"Not yet, you mean."

"Well...yes."

Doug thought about this. "So you want me to take you out for coffee. You want to spend time with me. You want no pressure. All while you're trying to seduce this other guy?"

"Yes." It was what she wanted. No reason to lie about it.

"Sara..." He stopped. She waited. "After this week, if you don't 'pick me', it's over. For good. I can't keep doing this. But let me tell you something-I will fight for you until it's over. You know, a lot of women would consider me a catch. I have a good career, make decent money, drive a nice car-"

"When have I ever cared about things like that? I'm offended you think I'm that kind of girl."

He shook his head and took her hand. "I know you aren't that kind of girl. But there are a lot of women out there that pay attention to stuff like that. I'm also a nice guy. A lot of women have told me that I treat them well. And if you settle down with me, Sara, I'll take care of you. I'll never stop taking care of you."

"I know, Doug. I'm aware of all your good features. But I don't need anyone to take care of me. I've been taking care of myself since I was 12 years old. So you're wrong if you think that's something I need in a man."

He looked embarrassed. "I know, Sara. I've always known that about you. But everybody needs someone to talk to at the end of the day. I know what goes on inside your head and it's not pretty sometimes. You can talk to me. I can help you. Please, just think about that."

She smiled sadly. Here he was, offering her something no man ever had. Maybe...just maybe she'd think about settling. Maybe it was time to make a decision. Maybe it was time to take care of that part of her life. It would make it easier to focus on her career. And maybe the man she had in the corner of her mind at all times wasn't prepared to offer her anything. Maybe it was time to come to terms with that, and finally move on with her life.

If only it were that simple.

*****

The next day at the lecture, Sara again sat in the front row. She laughed at Grissom's jokes, studiously took notes, and answered his questions when appropriate...basically doing her best to become teacher's pet. At one point during a break in the lecture, she tried to start a conversation with him.

"So, Griss, how are things in Vegas?" She asked nervously.

"Tense," he said. "We have new guys and they're good, but they're learning slowly. It's stressful, I'll tell you that."

"Oh, yeah, I know how that is. We hired these two new girls last month-"

"Sara, I hate to interrupt you, but I have to run to the bathroom for a minute. We'll talk later, okay?" And then he was gone.

It appeared that no matter what she did, Grissom was not buying it. Gone were the looks of longing and the subtle flirtation. It seemed like she had become just another student.

After the lecture, Sara decided to keep some composure and leave instead of making a fool out of herself yet again.

While she was leaving, she noticed Grissom and Carrie were again sharing a chuckle; probably an inside joke of some kind. She touched his arm to emphasize a point, and he grinned and nodded.  
The assistant was at least five years younger than Sara, so if Grissom didn't want to start something because of the age factor, well, he was obviously a hypocrite.

After going back to her hotel and feeling sorry for herself, she called Doug. Why not? He loved her. He cared about her. She didn't have to work hard with him, and she appreciated that so much more at the moment. Doug said he'd be right over.

Whatever he was doing at the time must not have been too important, because he showed up at her hotel 15 minutes after she hung up the phone. Just for a moment, Sara wished Grissom was as motivated to see her as Doug was, but that didn't appear to be in the cards, no matter how much she wanted it to happen.

When Doug arrived, he gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek and sat down at the desk. "So what did you have in mind for tonight?"

"No plans," Sara said. "I just thought maybe we'd order room service or something."

"So things with Professor Dreamy McBugs isn't working out like you thought?"

Sara looked away, not appreciating the comment, although she did understand it.

Doug took her hand. "Sorry. I'm sorry. Well...tell me more about San Francisco. Didn't you mention someone who used to be a sniper for the Army or something? Tell me more about this character."

Sara told him about Eileen, the CSI lab's most badass employee while they both got more comfortable. They sat side by side on the bed and ordered pancakes and beer from room service. They laughed about old times, and every now and then, shared a look that was more than friendly. Sara always enjoyed Doug's company. Life with him wouldn't be particularly amazing, but it would be comfortable. After the kind of life she'd had for the first 18 years, comfortable and easy wasn't a bad thing. But that was never the problem. The problem now? He still wasn't Gil Grissom.

At midnight, just as Sara was about to doze off, Doug decided it was time go. She walked him to  
the door and smiled as he said good night.

"I love that Sara smile," he said. She looked away, embarrassed.

"Hey," he said. She looked back at him, and he kissed her. It was a nice kiss, but it didn't send butterflies into her stomach or anything. Just looking at Grissom sometimes gave her butterflies. It was just another bullet point to add to the list of pros and cons.

"See you later," she said. He nodded, and softly said, "Don't forget, Sara. At the end of the week, you make a decision. I've waited long enough. I deserve an answer to the question I asked you so long ago."

"I know. You will." After taking one last longing glance at her, he was gone. After brushing her teeth and reading a bit of the physics textbook she brought with her, Sara drifted off to sleep, thinking about how the impossible decision she had to make.


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N - Thanks for the reviews, I'm glad you guys are feeling passionate about the story. :) I'll update again on Monday.**

On the third day of the lecture, Sara chose to sit in the back-maybe as an experiment of sorts. When Grissom arrived, she looked at him closely, trying to see if he was searching for her in the front row. To her partial dismay, it didn't appear so.

Sara made herself ignore the feelings for Grissom that were trying so hard to rise to the surface and just concentrate on taking vigorous notes. Her boss was counting on her eventual report on digital forensics, after all. So she filled the paper with notes on checking back logs of instant messages for evidence; software that tracked deleted files, websites that required passwords...it was actually pretty interesting when she really paid attention.

When Grissom finished, she was the first person to leave the classroom. This was not a day she wanted to witness the Carrie and Grissom Show. She wasn't sure if there was something going on between the two of them that went beyond a peer-mentor relationship, but if there was...ignorance is bliss, her mother often told her, and that's how she was choosing to deal with it.

Outside, it was sunny and almost refreshingly cold. Sara didn't acclimate well to the cooler weather, she was from California after all, but on this day she found it comforting. She took a walk around her old familiar campus, reliving memories she hadn't thought about in years. After she couldn't exactly feel her feet anymore, Sara sat down on a cold bench and pondered the decision she was going to have to make soon. Just as she was about to give up on this fruitless endeavor, her cell phone rang.

"Sidle," she said distractedly.

"Sara? What happened to you after class today? I didn't even see you today until I looked in the very back! Were you in a rush?"

What in the...was this really happening?

"Oh, hi, um, Grissom. No, I wasn't in a rush. I guess I was just...trying something different."

"I see. Well, I missed you in the front today. Why don't we get together for some coffee? What are you doing right now?"

She should have at least come up with some kind of excuse for what she was doing at the moment, anything but sitting on a snowy bench, her ass frozen from the cold, thinking about life as she knew it. "Oh, I'm-well, I'm not doing anything right now."

"Do you want to meet me at Cafe Pamplona in 20 minutes?"

"Oh, well, yes. That sounds...perfect," she said, meaning it. She hung up, brushed the snow off her ass and walked with extreme speed back to her Volkswagen. Why was she so anxious to meet him the second he wanted to see her? Why did he want to see her, anyway? He'd been practically ignoring her since the start of the lecture. This was an interesting development, to say the least.

25 minutes later, she and Grissom were sitting in the little underground cafe. The strong, refreshing cup of coffee took Sara back to her freshman year at Harvard, when she spent very little time making friends and taking every spare moment to study at this cafe and many others like it. Eventually Katie convinced her to look up from the books every now and then and go to parties and meet people.

Sara sat across the table from Grissom. He looked good, so very good. His blue eyes still made her weak in the knees. She wondered if he had any idea what power he had over her.

"Did you come here often when you were a student?" He asked.

"Every day, actually. I'm not sure if the wait staff loved me or hated me, but they never kicked me out. I had a crush on the guy who made the sandwiches back then. Sometimes he'd put extra cheese on it if I was extra nice to him."

Grissom chuckled. "I'm sure you had quite an effect on that young man. I would like to have known you back then, I'm sure it would have been an interesting experience."

Sara doubted that. After being in the system for so many years, college was overwhelming. It took her a good year to settle in and finally make some friends. She'd gone so long with everyone knowing everything about her parents, and it was scary to have a complete blank slate at Harvard. The fact that nobody knew, and they didn't have to know unless she told them...she eventually figured out how to deal with that feeling. Only a few people in her life, including Katie and Doug, knew about her father. Someday she'd tell Grissom about her past, but not today.

"Ahh, it was a bit of a struggle to adjust to Harvard. I was 16 my freshman year, and everyone else was so much older than me."

Grissom nodded. "That doesn't surprise me. You are always the smartest person in my lectures. Sometimes I feel like you should be up there talking instead of me."

"Oh, but you have a charisma I could never live up to," she said. "When you get up there, people listen. I don't think I'd have that kind of effect on people. I mean, you really touch your audience-they respond to what you have to say. That's a powerful gift to have." _God, Sara, could you be any more obvious?_ She tried her hardest not to blush like a school girl.

"I like to think I can affect people with what I say. However, it's not that prevalent, at least what I can see. It's easy for a student to come up to me after a lecture and ask me questions to make it clear they were interested in what I was saying. It's rare when someone continues a relationship with me after the fact, like you did."

"Well...I feel like I still have more to learn from you," she said softly.

This elicited a huge smile from her mentor. A smile looked good on him. Well, at the moment she thought everything looked good on him. She was pretty sure if Doug walked in at that moment, she wouldn't even notice. The simple fact was, Grissom captivated her. And when he did say amazing things like he was now, which wasn't very often, she couldn't imagine wanting to be with anyone else.

Grissom cleared his throat and said, "Well, Sara, I wanted-" And then of course he was interrupted by their surly waitress, who brought their entrees with an unappealing scowl in her face. Sara sighed and let it sink in that the moment had passed.

Grissom had the gazpacho, and Sara had the black bean salad. They enjoyed a few minutes of silence as they dug into their meals.

Sara thought about what to do next. And thought about it. And thought about it more. There were pros and cons to the question she was about to ask. One of the cons related to Doug. One of the pros related to Grissom's clear blue eyes. The list went on and on until she finally blurted out, "Do you want to go see a movie tonight? It's on me. I figured I owe you one."

Grissom considered Sara, and then had another spoonful of gazpacho. If he was trying to make her extremely uncomfortable and nervous, well, he was doing a good job.

"I'm sorry, but I already have plans," he finally said. "And I'm not sure if that would be a good idea, anyway."

"Is there ever going to be a time when you tell me why that is?" She asked.

"There's no one reason, Sara. I'm busy. And let's just leave it at that."

"But I don't want to leave it at that," Sara said, irritated. "I'm a scientist, I need real reasons."

Grissom chuckled. "If you're a scientist, you know you must follow the evidence. Well, follow the evidence, Sara. That's all I'm going to say. Now, let's order dessert, okay?"

This man was infuriating! She changed the subject to digital forensics and watched him as he talked about the future of technology after the millennium. As he went on and on, she considered how easy it was to get Doug to talk about his feelings for her. He was so open and honest with every emotion he happened to have at any given moment. Sometimes it was refreshing, but most of the time she wished he'd just be quiet for once. And here was Grissom, the quiet one, the man who never said anything unless it was completely necessary. Which one did she prefer? The man who said too much or the man who said too little? And again, was Grissom even going to give her the option of making that choice? It wasn't looking good, that was for sure.

After deciding to share a decadent chocolate mousse, they somehow got to talking about Sara's skydiving experience on her 26th birthday. A good friend from the lab in San Francisco had talked her into it by saying, "We see death every day. We have to counteract that by living."

Grissom laughed. "And you didn't think that was a corny line?"

"Of course it's corny, but she was right. So I went."

"How was it?"

"It was exhilarating, to be honest with you. I'm not much of an adventurous person so it was nice to get out of my comfort zone for a while. Being up in the air, seeing parts of the earth I've never seen before, it was amazing. When I get the chance, I'm definitely going again."

"Really? I'm not sure I'd be willing to take a risk like that."

"Why not? And don't say your age, there are plenty of people who are...your age and older who skydive," she said, grinning slightly.  
"Sara, how old are you?"

"I'm 27. How old are you?"

"I'm 42. That's a bit of an age gap, don't you think? My generation likes to stay safe and keep the risk-taking to a minimum."

"Don't you think that's a big generalization? I know a lot of people in their forties that take huge risks all the time. And besides, age doesn't matter to me. You could be 32 for all I care. It's a number."

"Spoken like a true twenty-something," he said, chuckling. "I see what happens to people who take risks. I've seen it for a long time now in our profession. I like to keep things interesting but not...that interesting."

Were they still talking about skydiving?

"Well, don't you think some things are just worth the risk?" She asked, deciding to play into his vagueness.

"Maybe. Maybe it is worth the risk. Maybe I've been thinking about doing it the whole time we've been sitting here. Maybe the thought is so irresistible that I have to do something about it. But what if something happens and it jeopardizes the life I've worked so hard to maintain? My life may not be adventurous and I may not take a lot of risks, but I like it the way it is. No complications. And it would definitely be complicated."

Sara stared at him. Was this guy serious? He was unbelievable!

"Skydiving would be complicated?" She asked, taking enjoyment out of the uncomfortable look on his face.

"Yes...skydiving."

They both knew he wasn't talking about skydiving. Sara wanted to sigh, but that would give too much away. This wasn't going to happen. He was constantly going to give her something, and then take it away. Over and over again. And the worst part was, she had a feeling he was perfectly aware of what he was doing. Wait, no, that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that she fell for it every time. It was hard to come to grips with the fact that her so-called mentor was a coward. Gil Grissom, one of the best crime scene analysts in the country, one of the best (and only) entomologists in his field, was a total coward.

"I think it would be worth the risk. The reward would be invaluable," she said after he paid the bill and they were collecting their things. "But what do I know, I'm only 27."

He frowned. In the seconds that passed, she knew he wanted to say something else. Anything else. Maybe he was going to say the only words she wanted to hear from him. Instead, he shook his head and said, "Well, it was great to talk to you, Sara. I'll see you in class tomorrow." He took her hand for one brief moment, and then he was gone.

She walked back to her hotel room in a steady stream of snow, pondering what she should do next. It wasn't a hard choice. As soon as she got inside, she closed and locked the door and then called Doug. He was there in 15 minutes flat. And for the rest of the night, she was almost able to forget about Grissom. Almost.


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N - Thanks again to my beta Vanessa, AKA GSFanatic. And thanks to you for reading and reviewing. Rock on!**

Sara sat in the front row of the lecture again on Thursday. She took diligent notes and asked questions when appropriate, as usual. It was not like her to let some crush interfere with her learning process. Aside from calling on her when she knew the answer, he didn't even look at her. Not that she was expecting him to. It was just too risky, after all.

After the lecture, Sara and Doug went to a matinee at the Brattle theater in Cambridge. They shared popcorn and she even let him hold her hand for almost half the movie. Afterward, he managed to talk her into coming to his apartment to "look at his physics experiments," which she knew even before he said it was a thinly-veiled way to get her into his bed.

"What kind of experiments are you working on these days?" She asked on the walk to his car.  
Doug could be slightly irritating and overbearing, but she found his zest for physics intriguing and fun. He was always coming up with new experiments, and she enjoyed seeing what he came up with this time.

"I'm just playing with chemiluminscence," he said, looking proud of himself. "I know it's been done so much before, but I think I've come up with something new. I have this light stick, and I dip it..."

Doug kept talking, but Sara didn't hear anything he said. Because out of the corner of her eye, through the falling snow and the freezing cold and the sound of Doug's voice, she could see someone getting out of their car and coming toward her. She didn't want it to happen this way; she didn't want Doug and Grissom to meet at all. In fact, she wished flux capacitors actually existed so she could go back to the future. _Anywhere but right here, right now,_ she thought before her two worlds collided.

Doug was in the middle of explaining what he would do with his light stick when Grissom intercepted them. "Well, hello, Sara. Fancy seeing you here." He wasn't even looking at her. Instead he seemed to be staring at Doug.

"Yes, yes, it is," she said. What else was there to say? "Um, Grissom, this is Doug, a friend of mine from college. Doug, this is Dr. Gil Grissom. He's, well, he's giving the lecture I'm here to attend."

Oh, how she hoped Doug would not open his sometimes not-so-subtle mouth and say whatever it was he was thinking. Of course Doug knew who this man was. Of course he could say any number of things to humiliate all three of them at that point. She just crossed her fingers and waited.

"Nice to meet you, Dr. Grissom. Sara has nothing but good things to say about you." And that was it. That was all Doug said.

"Well, I'll let you two go wherever it is you're headed," he said. "I was just going to the Brattle. It's been a long time since I've been and it's such a nice piece of history."

"Oh, yes, we just came from there. It was lovely. So...we hope you'll have a good night," Sara said awkwardly. Doug took her hand and squeezed it, a gesture not unnoticed by Grissom.

"Okay...well, see you tomorrow, Sara."

"See you later. Have a good night." He looked at Sara for a few seconds too long. Sara wasn't great at reading people's emotions, but even she knew there was something in his eyes. If she didn't know any better, she could have sworn he looked...hurt. She'd remember that look for weeks-couldn't get it out of her head, actually. It haunted her and made her uncomfortable.

_Oh, no. No, you don't get to look at me that way. You don't get to look hurt. Because you had your chance, and you blew it._ Sara's bitterness was palpable, and she bit her lip to keep the emotions at bay.

Both she and Doug turned around and watched as Grissom made his way to the theater. It did not surprise her when he greeted his assistant Carrie, who was waiting for him and looking like she was going to freeze to death and didn't care. It didn't surprise Sara, but it still made her sad. Age difference? What age difference? It was now in black and white, right in front of her: Grissom just wasn't interested in her. Every mysterious look and every vague statement that she'd been thriving on since the day she met him, it didn't mean anything if nothing ever happened.

She and Doug were quiet on the way back to his house. Their silence was not the comfortable kind. It got to the point where Sara knew she should say something-anything-but nothing was coming to her. Doug looked straight ahead, and she could tell he was pissed. They were going to have an awkward evening, that was for sure.

When they finally arrived at his house, Doug turned off the engine and they sat in the driveway for a few minutes. Without the heater, it was getting rather cold in the car. Neither of them noticed.

"So that was the infamous Gil Grissom," he said bitterly.

"Yep. That was him. So why don't you go ahead and say what you want to say and get it out of your system."

"I didn't...expect him to be so old," he said. And then he laughed. And Sara laughed. And they held hands and laughed.

"I'm not going to ask you to come in. You're here for one more day, and you have a decision to make. Look, meet me tomorrow night at the Harvard Square Hotel. If you don't meet me there, I'll just assume you aren't serious about me, and I'll never bother you again."

"Why the Harvard Square?" She asked, amused. "Why can't I just come here?"

"Come on, Sara, I believe in romance. I believe in setting a tone; in making our own mood. I thought of Harvard Square because it's neutral. It's equal. It'll be like we're starting over. If you want to wait around for this guy to come to California on a white horse and save you from a mundane life, that's your prerogative. But I gotta tell you, I don't think that's going to happen. He's an older man, he's probably settled into his life and he isn't going to change it any time soon. I think it's time for you to come to terms with that."

Sara nodded but didn't say anything. He didn't know anything about Grissom. He didn't know anything about her feelings for Grissom, either. How could he be so judgmental?

"I know you think I don't know what I'm talking about, and that's okay. But for the last time, let me tell you what's going to happen if you meet me at the hotel tomorrow night. I'm going to be there with wine and roses. We'll drink the wine, eat some room service, watch the snow fall from the window and be glad we're all warm in each other's arms. I will try my hardest to seduce you, and hopefully we'll end up in bed together. In the morning, after a very satisfying evening, I'll put you on your plane back to California. As soon as I can wrap things up here and find a new job, I'll join you. It shouldn't be more than 3 months. And we'll take it from there, but it will be you, and it'll be me, and finally we can be together. You know me, Sara. You know I'd do anything for you. I want to marry you, I want to have children with you. I'll do anything to make this happen."

"Why?" She whispered, giving into his absolute faith in their relationship.

"You know why. A long time ago, when I first met you, I made a promise to myself that I was going to do everything in my power to get you to marry me. That I would fight for you as long as I had a chance. I believe I've done that. And now it's in your hands."

"I know," she said. "And you know I do love you, Doug. It just may not be the kind of love that can endure a whole lifetime. Doesn't it worry you just a little bit? To have your whole life planned out like this? Have you ever considered the fact that you and I have both changed since we first met? Don't you-"

He silenced her with a kiss. It was a long kiss, and it was good, and it gave her a glimpse of the future they could possibly have someday. Maybe life wouldn't be so bad with these kinds of kisses every day. Then again...

"Don't think so much, Sara. Go back to your hotel. Make your decision. Think about it, though. This guy...he can't give you what I can. And I think you know that."

He kissed her again, and she took a long look at him before she got out of his car. This was someone who knew what (and who) he wanted. He was a good looking guy. He looked kind. He looked like he could offer a girl forever if that's what she really wanted.

She pondered this as she put herself into bed and put the confusing day behind her. He said he'd fight for her. What if she fought for what she wanted; what she knew in her heart was true? In her heart, she knew Doug was merely back-up plan. It would be wrong to meet him at that hotel tomorrow, at least without knowing she tried her hardest to make things happen with Grissom. Something in her head told her this was dangerous; that she was not making a good decision. But she still went to bed with a smile on her face and a plan for attack in her head.


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N - I am very grateful for all the reviews, thank you muchly. I will answer the ones I haven't yet tonight or some time in the very near future.**

This chapter is long, but I think you will find it fulfilling! Also, the next chapter is a doozie and I'll post it in the next day or two. Thanks for reading!

Her legs, barely covered by her way shorter than usual skirt, were crossed. Her long hair, usually in a ponytail, was down and flowing past her shoulders. For the first time in months, she actually had make-up on, which she purchased an hour before the lecture and had to actually remember how to apply. Sara Sidle looked good, and if she was going down, she was going down fighting.

Grissom was late to his last lecture of the week. The anticipation of his arrival made Sara's stomach hurt. She focused on Carrie, who was preparing the overhead and shuffling papers with a content look on her face. Carrie noticed her watching, Sara knew this. But neither of them said or acknowledged the other's presence. Sara didn't know this person. She didn't care to know her. And if she was the reason why Sara wasn't going to end up with Grissom, well, she knew all the best places to hide a dead body.

Grissom finally rushed in and Sara put a backseat to her twisted murderous daydream. His hair was all disheveled, looking like he just woke up. And still Sara couldn't help but think he was the most adorable creature she's ever seen.

"I just woke up," Grissom said, looking embarrassed. "I apologize. I haven't slept in like this since college."

Out of the corner of her eye, Sara could see Carrie grinning at Grissom. At this point, she didn't care if Carrie was the reason why Grissom slept in for so long. In her eyes, he was up for grabs, and she wanted to be the one who grabbed him.

"So it's the last day of the lecture. I hope it was sufficient for showing how digital forensics is going to have unlimited success in the new millennium with finding and processing evidence. I just wanted to give a brief overview of what we've gone over so far. Who can tell me what the best defense is against a hacker?"

Grissom called on Amanda, one of the more overeager students in the lecture. She went on about firewalls and operating systems...Sara tuned her out. She already knew the answer, anyway. She always seemed to know the answers to all of Grissom's questions, yet he could never answer hers.

As Amanda obnoxiously tried to show off her knowledge, Grissom finally met Sara's eyes. He then took in her long hair down past her shoulders, her tight fitting shirt, and then eventually found himself staring at her legs. It made her feel uncomfortable, but it also made her hot. Well, at least this part of the plan was working.

He stopped Amanda in mid-sentence and said, without taking his eyes off Sara, "Thanks, Amanda. Sara, tell me something we can expect will be a big player in digital forensics in the new millennium."

Sara cleared her throat and checked her notes, even though she didn't need to. She did need a second to collect herself before she looked into those penetrating blue eyes again.

"Peer to peer file sharing networks are going to rise in popularity as people share files illegally. As criminalists, that's not what we're looking for. We're looking for what type of information they're sharing..." Sara continued, and Grissom never looked away. Eventually she'd have to stop talking and he'd have to stop looking at her. Some twisted part of herself wanted to live inside this moment.

"Thank you, Sara. I'm glad someone retained some knowledge of what I've been talking about this week." He looked her up and down once more, and then finally broke his gaze. For the rest of the lecture, he avoided her at all costs. While she enjoyed his initial reaction, the complete avoidance thing was not working for her at all.

Two and a half long hours later, Grissom was finally satisfied with what the class was taking away from his lecture. "Thank you for coming, and I hope you'll be able to go back to your jobs and your classrooms and educate your peers about what you learned here. Digital forensics is going to be more important than most people realize, and it's going to happen soon."

Sara watched as everyone left. Most of them filed out quickly; in a hurry to get back to their lives. Sara was not one of those people.

When the room emptied, Grissom ambled over to Sara. He grinned at her, nodded to her skirt and said, "What's this about, exactly? Do you have a date with that Doug person for lunch?" There was something in his voice. Or maybe she just wanted there to be something in his voice.

"No. Look, Griss, I wanted to talk to you about that. Do you have a few minutes? Maybe we could take a walk..."

"I don't think so."

"Well, I just thought since you were leaving tomorrow morning, we could just have one more cup of coffee together."

It was a last ditch effort, but Sara couldn't help herself. She wanted more of Grissom. More words, more effort, more stolen glances, more near-kisses. More anything.

"I don't think that's necessary, but thank you for the invite."

Sara could feel her heart sink. It was so disappointing, this falling in love thing. This was why she usually had a policy not to do it. This was why she should have stuck with Doug in the first place. Better yet, this was why she should just be alone. Everything was so much more peaceful when she was alone. Sure, sometimes it got so lonely she could barely breathe, but she'd take that over this feeling. Depending on someone else for what she wanted was never going to work out for her.

"I can explain about Doug, it's really not what you think."

Grissom looked at her, really looked at her, and she felt exposed. More than that, she felt like she was betraying Doug. Wasn't she?

"Don't be ridiculous, you don't have to explain anything to me. I'm your teacher, Sara. You're my student. It doesn't have to be more than that. I enjoyed seeing you at this lecture, and  
I'll email you if I have something to say. Okay? Just like before."

Just like before. Sara would go back to her routine in California-her routine that changed once she met Gil Grissom. Before she met him, her life was easy. Nothing distracted her from the goal. Be the best. Work the hardest. Do the most overtime. But ever since she met him, she'd find herself looking into a microscope and pondering the blueness of his eyes. Or she'd be taking pictures of bullet fragments and wondering if she could remember the sound of his voice. This was life after Gil Grissom. She was hoping that maybe someday there would be more than that. Now she was coming to terms with the fact that it wouldn't.

"Oh. Well. Okay, then. See you around." It was time to walk away. It was time to not give this frustrating man one more second of her seemingly undying devotion. She had tried, and it didn't work out in her favor. And even though he must have sensed she was upset, he didn't call her back.

"Are you ready?" She heard Grissom say as she walked out. She didn't have to turn around to know he was talking to Carrie.

* * *

"I've never seen anyone eat a grilled cheese so sadly," Katie said over a room service lunch in Sara's hotel room. She'd called her friend to come over for some emergency advice. Katie wasn't used to that-it wasn't something Sara did very often, so she came right over. Sara was grateful.

"Sara, it's not the end of the world. It's not like you're alone. Doug is a good man."

"I know he is. I've known that for a long time. I just don't know if he's a good man for me."

Katie sighed. "I hate to state the obvious, but you don't have to pick him, either. You can go back to California and just start over."

Sara shook her head. "I don't want to do this again. I don't want to...date. The emotions and the complications that go along with dating do not interest me, if they're anything like I just went through with Grissom. I want to pick Doug, and we can take care of each other, and it may not be the most passionate love affair in the world, but it will be comfortable and convenient and I'll never have to worry about him picking some...teenager over me."

Katie stared at her friend. It seemed as though she was actually speechless for once.

"I sound like a crazy person, right?"

"Yes. Yes, you do."

Sara sighed. "I am not the product of a happy family, Katie. I've seen what an unstable man can do in a marriage. I grew up in it, and it has scarred me. Doug is a good man. He may not be an exciting man, and he may not be the man I thought I'd end up with, but he's a good man. I do love him. Maybe not in the way that I know I could possibly love Grissom. But he will be good for me, and I can be good for him."

"I'm sorry, Sara, I guess I just don't understand. You're still young. You can find someone else; someone better. What's the deal with this Gil anyway? He sounds like an idiot, I have to say. He's playing with your emotions, he doesn't seem to care all that much about you, and he plays with bugs for a living."

"He does have some negative traits, I'll give you that," Sara admitted. "It goes without saying that sometimes I'm not exactly myself around him. But he has a good heart. He helps so many people in Las Vegas, Katie, he really does. I love watching his brain work, too. I don't know, he's just fascinating to me. I just want to spend a lifetime figuring out what's going on inside his head. Is that bad?"

"Well, yeah, it's a little pathetic, Sara. But it's not like I can talk. It's not like any of us can talk. We can't pick who we fall in love with, right?"

Now it was Sara's turn to stare blankly at her friend.

"I know. I'm a romantic underneath it all. Who knew? But look, Doug is a great man. He'll treat you well, and you know that. He would never break your heart. And this Grissom guy? He already has. Don't let him do it again."

What Sara couldn't say to Katie-what she could barely even admit to herself-was that at this point in her life, if she couldn't be with Grissom, she might as well be with Doug. It wasn't that she was giving up, exactly, she just didn't care. This was not a trait that suited her well. The Sara she used to be would not settle for someone just because she couldn't make it work with someone else. She didn't like this version of Sara. Not at all. And yet, she had no urge to snap out of it. It was Doug, Grissom, or nothing. And since Grissom had taken her choice away, Doug was her safety option. Hopefully she'd never have to tell him that. Hopefully he didn't already know.

"Are you going to eat your pickle?" She asked Katie. Her friend shrugged and gave her pickle over.

"You have more to worry about than pickles," Katie said, and then shook her head again.

"Or do I?" They both laughed. It was easy to laugh now-the calm before the storm.

* * *

Sara sat in her car, listening to the news on AM radio. They were predicting a major blizzard in the area for the evening. Outside, the snow was just beginning to fall, light at first, getting heavier every minute. Sara thought about how romantic her evening would be, all tucked away with Doug in the hotel room, cranking up the heat and ordering more room service. Still, a part of her wasn't sure what she was more excited about-being with Doug, or the room service.

Not to mention the fact that she still had her ridiculously short skirt on. The temperature was below 20 degrees and she was parading around in a coat and a tiny skirt. She felt ridiculous. But not ridiculous enough to change. Besides, someone had to get some enjoyment out of her little black undies she had so carefully chosen for the evening.

Her ego was still bruised from Grissom's rejection, and her head and her heart were fighting a battle over Doug. Once again she thought about ditching him and going back to her own hotel, where she'd get lost in her own thoughts and ultimately spend the evening watching a sad movie or drinking wine until she depressed herself so much, the only option would be to sleep it off. That didn't appeal to her, especially on her last night in Boston. So here she was, ready to take a chance with Doug, who was, by all accounts, the runner up.

She turned off the news and searched for a rock station. Not that she was nervous, but she needed motivation to get out of the car and meet her fate. Sara was pretty sure that if she went to Doug's room tonight, they would end up together for a long time. And still a small part of her just wasn't sure she wanted that yet. The fact that she had about five minutes in which to make that decision was a tad disconcerting.

The song Sara finally settled on was one she had particularly warm feelings for once upon a time. When she was bouncing around in foster care during her teenage years, "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses had been very popular. When it came on the radio, she and her "system" friends, as they used to call each other, would sing and headbang and generally thrash around until the song ended. She even had her first kiss while the song was playing, in Jeremy Rosser's Mustang while they were cutting fifth period Calculus. She smiled for a second when she remembered Jeremy. He had these amazing blue eyes. Not as amazing as Grissom's, but they were mostly the reason why she kissed him.

_Take me down to the paradise city  
Where the grass is green  
And the girls are pretty  
Take me home,  
Oh, won't you please take me home  
So far away...  
So far away...  
So far away...  
So far away_

Captain America's been torn apart  
Now he's a court jester  
With a broken heart  
He said turn me around  
And take me back to the start  
I must be losing my mind  
"Are you blind?"  
I've seen it all a mllion times...

Sara found herself singing along, maybe even headbanging-not that she'd admit to doing that past age 15. The rush of memories she was having, along with the butterflies in the pit of her stomach she was currently experiencing, culminated in the need to let it all out. What she didn't notice was that her window was slightly rolled down, and that a familiar face was lurking nearby.

When the song was almost over, she heard a tap on her window. This startled her, and she gave a tiny little scream. And then she gasped when she saw none other than Gil Grissom standing outside her car.

"Gil! You scared the shit out of me!" She said, trying to compose herself. "What are you doing here?"

"Sorry about that," he said, chuckling. "This is actually the hotel I've been staying in during the lecture. What are you doing here, exactly?"

"Well, I don't know. I was supposed to meet a...friend, but I'm not sure if I want to do that. I think I may just go home."

Grissom looked puzzled. Surely he knew she was talking about Doug, but he didn't comment on that. Instead, he took a deep breath and looked at the snowfall, which was increasing at a somewhat alarming pace. "Well, honey, I don't think I want you going out in this weather. Isn't your hotel pretty far from here?"

Her hotel was basically down the street, but suddenly she was desperate for him to do what her gut was thinking he was about to do. Seeing how he acted the entire week, it was an outlandish thought to pursue, but her heart was sending her a different message. It was a moment of weakness, but looking back, she'd never regret it.

"It is, actually. But don't worry, I lived here for a long time, I know how to drive in the snow."

Grissom looked genuinely concerned. "The snow's coming down hard now, but in about an hour, it's going to be much worse than this. So if your...friend isn't going to make it, I'd like you to come to my room with me. I have hot chocolate."

What killed Sara about this was the fact that Grissom didn't even stop to think about it. He didn't have any hesitations. After a week of acting like she was just another student, to hear him actually care about her well-being was a relief. Of course his invitation was confusing. Of course a rush of emotions swept through her, and she wasn't sure which one was going to win. But the one thing she did know with all her heart was that she was going to say yes.

"Yes," she said. "I think that might be a good idea."

Grissom grinned, and her heart melted. "Good. Let's get out of here."

Sara didn't even think about Doug when she and Grissom walked through the lobby of the hotel. She never promised Doug anything. And, she reasoned, she was at a point in her life where it was time to look after her own needs. It was amazing what the mind could rationalize to get what it wanted.


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N - Warning - this chapter is MATURE! In a good way, though, if you know what I mean.**

**I am so, so grateful for the reviews, thank you much! I'll post the next chapter tomorrow 'cause I have a feeling y'all are going to want a little more after this one. Keep in mind this chapter is rated MATURE. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

As Sara walked with Grissom through the lobby, she acknowledged a few facts in her head. The first thing she realized was that there was no turning back now. From her brain to her heart, she knew she was rolling the dice. If this thing with Grissom wasn't what she thought it was going to be; if he wanted nothing more than to share hot chocolate and then send her away, if she never saw him again AND effectively ruined her chances with Doug forever, well, that was the gamble she was making.

In the elevator, Grissom was all smiles. He looked blissfully unaware of any complicated feelings or thoughts that permeated the atmosphere. It was unnerving.

A young couple got on the elevator with Grissom and Sara, and for the 45 seconds it took to go up 3 floors, they made out passionately the whole time. They didn't even stop when the doors opened, they just kept moving, lips stuck together in a passionate dance. Sara knew where they were going and what they were going to do. Grissom watched as well. Sara wondered if they were thinking about the same thing.

What Sara wanted to do at that moment was stop the elevator. She wanted to barricade the door until he told her why he was so distant most of this week, and other times, so possessive. More than anything, she wanted answers to those questions. Why was that so hard? Instead, she kept her hands to herself, and the feelings trapped inside her deep entangled mind.

Finally, they made it to Grissom's hotel room. He unlocked the door and started making himself at home, while Sara stood in the doorway, watching him put his briefcase and coat down on the desk. He finally looked up and said, "Why are you hovering? Come in."

"I just wanted to make sure I was invited," she said, testing the waters.

He looked at her closely, his blue eyes saying more than his mouth possibly could. For a brief moment, she saw something in those eyes; it was a reflection of what he thought of her; how he truly felt. What he wanted. And just for a moment, she knew it was all worth it.

"Come in," he said. "I'll make the hot chocolate. Have a seat."

Sara sat down on the sofa by the bed and watched as he made hot chocolate with steaming water from the tap in the bathroom. It wasn't her ideal beverage of choice, but if Grissom was offering it, she was going to take it. In the back of her mind, she pictured Doug somewhere in this same hotel, wondering where she was, wondering if he was ever going to see her again. It couldn't be a wonderful feeling. She felt terrible, but then again, Grissom was making her hot chocolate.

He brought over 2 cups of hot chocolate and, sitting down next to her, handed her one. She drank it gratefully. It was a damn good cup of hot chocolate.

"I'm glad the week is over," Grissom said, attempting small talk. She appreciated the gesture.

"Don't get me wrong; I always enjoy these lectures. But the best part is when I go home."

"I know what you mean, I'm looking forward to heading back tomorrow, as well. But you did a great job. I thought I knew all about digital forensics, but you showed me a lot of new things. It really opened my eyes."

"Well, that's why I'm here," Grissom said. "I love to teach people new things."

"Really? Why aren't you a teacher?"

"I thought about it for a while, and maybe someday I'll pursue that. But my real passion is finding answers. It's speaking for the ones who can no longer speak for themselves."

_Like my father,_ Sara automatically thought to herself, and then tried to get that out of her head as fast as it came in. That was not something she wanted to be thinking about at that moment.

"I happen to think that's noble," she said, smiling at him peacefully. They enjoyed a few more minutes of pleasurable silence. Well, to Sara it was excruciating, but she was always an impatient person.

"That song you were singing earlier, in your car? What song was that? I know I've heard it somewhere before."

Sara chuckled. "Um, it's called Paradise City, by Guns N' Roses. They're not my favorite band or anything, but that's a song that meant a lot to me at one point in my life. I tend to sing it or hum it when I get nervous."

Grissom raised his eyebrows. "Really? Well, it was adorable. You should sing more often, it really becomes you. What were you nervous about, exactly?"

Sara couldn't think of an acceptable answer to that question, so she simply didn't answer.

"Okay, I see, sticky subject. Well, why don't you tell me—"

Grissom's cell phone rang. He looked at the number on the caller ID and put the phone back in his pocket.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" Sara asked curiously.

"No, it's not important right now."

"Well, I just thought it could be…Carrie. And maybe you'd want to talk to her."

Grissom considered this for a moment. It was an uncomfortable moment. Finally, he laughed. Sara wasn't sure what was going through his head, so she waited it out.

"Sara, Carrie is the daughter of one of my dearest friends. She showed an interest in criminology, and not only that, she wants to be an entomologist. She got her first ant farm at age five. I gave it to her, in fact. I've spent a lot of time with her this week giving her the basic information on various entomology programs. I'm not sure what impression you got from her, but I can assure you, I am not interested in her romantically."

"Oh." _What a relief._ "It's just that...it just seems like..."

"I know what it seems like, believe me. But Carrie and I are on the same page. She has a boyfriend, actually. But I do enjoy spending time with her and teaching her the basics."

"That's good to know.

"I see people from time to time, but no, at the moment, I do not have a girlfriend."

"Okay," Sara said, secretly delighted. "Well, that's good to know."

"Speaking of such things, how long have you been with this Doug character?" He looked somewhat concerned, which was rather amusing to Sara.

"Look, Griss, that wasn't really what it looked like. He lives here, and we used to date, and we were hanging out. It was never serious. But it's over now. Well, I ended it. So...that's what's happening."

Maybe that wasn't the whole truth, but it felt right in her head. Someday she'd have to apologize to Doug, but probably not any time soon.

"Well, that's interesting," Grissom said. "But I can tell you something for absolute certain. It may have not been serious to you, but it was to him. I could see it in that young man's eyes. And to tell you the truth, I can't blame him. If I was younger and I had the chance to court you, I wouldn't let anything get in the way."

Sara had to laugh, if only because he used the word "court." Was this the moment they were finally going to be honest with each other? Somehow, she didn't think an outpouring of emotion was in character for Gil Grissom. And if her hunch was right, soon no words would be needed at all. The way he was looking at her in the short skirt she never changed for more appropriate, warmer clothing told her that things were about to get interesting all on their own.

"Well, even if that were the case, I have moved on."

"So what you're telling me is that neither of us are seeing anyone at this time?"

"That appears to be the case," Sara said, her heart pounding.

"Fascinating. Don't you think that's fascinating?"

"It's fascinating, indeed."

They shared a mischievous grin, and drank the rest of the hot chocolate.

"It looks like the snow is falling harder now. We aren't going anywhere. Why don't I swap that hot chocolate for some wine, and we can watch a movie and order in?"

"Sounds perfect," Sara said, grinning mischievously.

An hour later, they were sitting as close together as possible without being in each other's laps. Sara had practically gorged herself on cheese enchiladas while Grissom ate his well-done steak like it was his last meal. And both of them were just a bit tipsy from the wine. On the TV, some movie from the sixties was on as background noise. They were both watching, but neither of them were paying attention.

At some point Sara felt Grissom take her hand, but she didn't want to make a big deal out of it, lest she spook him and he took it away. Plus, he was massaging it gently and it felt incredible.

"Sara," he said finally, and she looked up at him. He kissed her. A lot. And it wasn't a perfect kiss, but then again, how could it be? In her head, they'd had this first kiss over and over again, and nothing could live up to that. Plus, it was an introductory kiss; meant to test the waters for future making out. But it was nice, and it was hot, and she wanted more-preferably as soon as possible.

Soon, he put his hand on her naked thigh and caressed. She moaned, which he seemed to appreciate. As their tongues tumbled together and their lips made electricity, his hand traveled further up her thigh. When it reached its destination, she gave a little shiver of pleasure. Without further notification, she felt his fingers in her wetness, and it was amazing and good and worth it.

"Do we need to talk about this?" Grissom said in her ear, and then licked it forcefully. "I'm sure we need to talk about this."

"Later," Sara said. "We're adults. I'm sure we know the consequences of our actions. But I know what I want...if you do."

"Oh, I know," he whispered. "I've known for a long time." That's when she felt his fingers inside her, and she lost her mind. _I knew I wore this skirt for a reason today._

Eventually they found themselves on what they both had an eye on since the moment Sara arrived-the bed. Grissom wanted to focus on her; he whispered in her ear, "I want to do things that you've only read about." She whispered, "Me first," and then took his pants off. He was majorly hard, and it was impressive. He moaned loudly as she took his hardness in her mouth, and when he was on the brink, he returned the favor with much exhilaration. And the two of them existed in a rhythm for almost an hour before he'd had enough of the foreplay.

"Are you ready?" He asked her in a sweet but naughty voice.

"Yes," she said. There was so much more she wanted to say, but at the moment, she only wanted him inside her. And then he was, and again it wasn't perfect, but it felt good and right and special. After she came on the bottom, he entered her from behind and she had to grab the sheet and bite her lip to keep from screaming her pleasure for the whole world to know.

It ended in a cacophony of moans, and both of them fell back on the bed, satiated and happy. But Sara knew that, like the blizzard outside, it couldn't last forever. At some point they'd have to talk; real life would have to be dealt with. But for now, all she wanted to do was feel the heat of him next to her.

"Hey," he whispered, and gave her a sweet kiss in the afterglow. "No matter what happens, we'll always have tonight."

She smiled at him and agreed, even though she wanted more than tonight, and always would.


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N - I'll post the next chapter on Monday or Tuesday. There's only 3 left! Thanks for reading!**

There was a comfortable silence as they lay intertwined in each other; completely naked, completely satisfied. The curtains were open just enough so they could watch the snow falling harder and harder. It was peaceful from a distance. Maybe that's how their relationship would be defined.

She knew it would probably ruin the mood, but Sara needed to know. It was a question she should have asked before they made love, but she was so blinded with lust, it clouded her judgment. It was not her finest moment, but again, she'd never regret it.

"Why have you been avoiding me this week?"

He looked alarmed; probably annoyed that she was talking in the afterglow.

"What do you mean? I've done the opposite of avoiding you. As you can see."

"What do I mean? I mean the constant push and pull, the hot and cold. One minute you're looking at me like I'm the answer to all your problems, the next you act like you don't even acknowledge my existence. The worst part is, I play along. I hate that about myself, Griss, I really hate it. But look what it turned into. I hate to say it wasn't worth it because it was. So please, just tell me why."

Grissom stared at her, looking dumb and confused. She laughed. "Sorry, I...I overtalk when I'm nervous."

He was quiet for a minute. She waited impatiently.

"I know it's hard to understand right now, but in my mind, although I want to be with you all the time, even though I want to start a life with you, it won't work out. I'm older, and you're my student. You're always learning things from me. I don't want to take advantage of that."

"How is it taking advantage if I want the same thing?"

"It's what you think you want, Sara. Look, I've…I've been in this situation before. Just a few years ago. She was younger and inexperienced and saw me as her knight in shining armor. But eventually she figured out I was just an older man who didn't have the answers to the questions she was always asking. Last I heard, she was married to someone her own age. It wouldn't work between you and me. I know that's disappointing to hear, but it's true."

Well, it was worse than she imagined. He'd been in the situation before and got burned. A part of her was hoping to convince him he was making a mistake, but she could see she was out of her league here.

Grissom wasn't finished yet. "I know my behavior this week has been confusing. Part of me is sure you're what I want, and I allow myself to act on it only to rethink my actions later. I'm not perfect. And I apologize for all the impressions I gave you."

She could certainly relate to not being perfect. It seemed like, through everything else that happened during the week, both of their worst sides decided to make an appearance.

"To be honest, if you hadn't have been in the parking lot singing a heavy metal song with a blissful yet nervous look on your face, we wouldn't be in this situation. There's just something about a woman who's confident enough to just...sing like that. It was a very powerful turn-on, to tell you the truth. But Sara, like I said...this is all it can be right now."

"I know," she said sadly, although she was amused by his hard rock kink. "But, you know...this doesn't have to end. We can make it work, even long distance. I know that's not exactly what you're looking for, but I just thought I'd put it out there."

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. His hand was warm and inviting, but she knew his silence spoke for itself.

"Well, maybe in some alternate reality, we're together and happy," she said. It was something she'd usually cringe if someone else said it, but felt right at the moment.

He opened his arms and she snuggled into him. They fell asleep entangled in each other, and Sara tried not to think of how this was probably the first and last time it would ever happen.

In the morning, after a long session of cuddling and kissing, they begrudgingly made themselves get out of bed. They ate some fruit, watched CNN, and talked very little. Outside the sun was shining and melting the massive amount of snow that fell during the evening. Sara closed the curtains, not wanting to be reminded of the outside just yet.

Sara went through her morning rituals and put on her inappropriately tiny skirt again. Then she watched as Grissom shaved, got dressed, brushed his teeth. It was probably a little creepy, but she wanted to take it all in while she still could.

They lounged around until it was absolutely time for them to leave. Her flight wasn't for another four hours, but it was time to check out and Sara still had to go back to her hotel. She was reminded of her boldfaced lie when Grissom said, "You should get going, since your hotel is so far from here."

"Oh, yeah...good idea," she said, feeling a tiny pang of guilt.

"Come here," he said, holding his hand out to her. She obeyed, and he pulled her in for a kiss that she never wanted to end. Unlike the first kiss, the last kiss was perfect.

"That's all you get, unless we both want to miss our flights," he murmured.

"Flights? What flights?" Grissom chuckled, gave her one last peck on the cheek, and she was gone. As she walked out the door, she hoped he was watching. In a way, she hoped he was thinking about missed opportunities and what he was losing by watching her go. Sara was a scientist and prided herself on that, but she was also a romantic. And in her heart, she believed he would come back to her someday.

In the elevator, Sara felt a kind of loneliness she wasn't sure she'd ever recover from, and actually, didn't know if it was real. Back in San Francisco, she wasn't lonely. It wasn't like she had a lot of friends, but her career was rewarding and she never questioned whether she wanted more. But after kissing Gil Grissom, she now knew she did.

Sara walked through the lobby of the hotel, somewhat depressed, not wanting to come back to reality. Before she made it outside to the chilly Boston morning, she spotted Doug sitting in a chair, reading a magazine. She probably should have stopped and explained herself. She probably shouldn't have kept walking even after they locked eyes. She probably should have cared more about the heartbroken look on his face. But she didn't stop, and consequently never heard from him again. In exchange for one amazing night with Grissom, she ended a relationship that could have lasted forever. Looking back on it later, Sara was sure she dodged a bullet. But at the moment, all she felt was sad.


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N - I should probably say that this chapter has a good deal of angst. But the next chapter won't, I swear! Thanks for all the reviews, they make me happy. And I'd like to thank my beta Vanessa/GSFanatic once again because she is awesome and never gives up on me.**

_Las Vegas, May, 2003_

Vegas was not how Sara imagined it at all.

Well, that wasn't completely true. She imagined it would be hot. And it was-achingly, ridiculously, relentlessly hot. On almost a daily basis, she'd wonder why she was in this godforsaken town. Then she'd remember. _Oh, yeah. Grissom._

When he'd asked her to come and help with the investigation of death of Holly Gribbs, she'd been completely delighted. _Finally,_ she thought. _Finally he was ready to take this thing to the next level._ While she thought asking her to move to Vegas was somewhat drastic, the part of her heart that was solely reserved for Gil Grissom didn't even care. She'd move anywhere for him, any time, and she wasn't going to deny that to herself. Ever since she parted ways with Doug, there was no one else. There wasn't anything tying her to California. And when she thought about it, there never really was.

The first couple of months were nothing like she expected. When she moved into her small townhouse and unpacked, she did so with a smile. She smiled because things were finally moving into place. She was a criminalist at one of the best labs in the country, and her mentor, the man she hopelessly fell for more than 2 years before, had hand-picked her out of countless other qualified people. However, her smile would fade once her thoughts turned to Holly Gribbs. Holly was the reason why she was here, and she fought to keep that in mind and remain professional during the investigation.

He was happy to see her at first. They flirted at crime scenes. Sometimes they'd sneak out and have breakfast, but that was rare. But there was something so different about Grissom since they parted in Boston. He was older. Tired. Frustrated. After he took over for Jim Brass as supervisor of the night shift when Holly died, it was like a part of him just gave up. Sara hated seeing this happen. She wanted to revive him; to bring back the excitement in his life. But it was like the second he asked her to come to Vegas, all hopes for starting any kind of relationship other than professional vanished.

While Sara was used to this by now, it still continued to break her heart. It was tough work, holding a candle for her boss for so long now. And while her feelings tended to fade in and out, they never disappeared completely. Her cheating son of a bitch ex-boyfriend Hank, the only person she'd tried to date since effectively ending her relationship with Doug after the Grissom incident, turned her into the "other woman." If it were up to her, she'd never date again-it wasn't worth it. It was sometimes a lonely life. But something inside of her felt that if she waited long enough, Grissom would eventually come back around.

Just like before, he was constantly giving her hope and then taking it away almost instantly. Sara was so smitten; so eager to please him that she always let him get away with it. It felt like she was basically lost in this desert town, but the job was rewarding, if not overcome with sadness, and she found friendships with her co-workers to be ultimately beneficial. Nick was fun to hang out with and she appreciated his Southern charm. Greg's crush on her was relatively harmless and she liked talking to him about comic books and computer nerd things. Warrick was so cool under pressure and just radiated confidence. Even though they didn't start off on the right foot, she had a great deal of respect for him. And Catherine, she was all-knowing. Sara found her to be intimidating; the way she knew things about people they didn't even know themselves. Their friendship was still a work in progress.

It didn't help that said co-workers knew she was in love with her boss. That was not something she was proud of, but what could she do? When it came to Gil Grissom, she wore her heart on her sleeve. It wasn't subtle. It wasn't quiet.

After almost three and a half years of this give and take, Sara was starting to feel a little unstable. She was not herself and it was getting to her. Something needed to happen here-she was going to have to make it happen. Fortunately and unfortunately, an explosion at the lab put her plan into motion.

* * *

The day the chaos started, Sara was eating a sandwich. Well, she was eating a sandwich and thinking about Grissom. On this particular day, she couldn't stop thinking about Boston. How when the morning came, they woke up to being wrapped up in the sheets together, lost under all the fabric; entwined with each other. Why didn't he want that again? Sometimes it was all she wanted. It consumed her soul and kept her thoughts hostage. Most of the time she'd have to force herself to think about something else just so she wouldn't live inside the fantasy. Once again, this wasn't the Sara she knew. It was a lovesick Sara, and she didn't like it. What she liked even less was how hard she had to try to not let it interfere with the job sometimes.

On this particular day, Grissom was busy, like always. All day long she'd wanted to talk to him, but it seemed like he was always in the middle of something. It was so frustrating-yet another day of feeling like she was just another employee instead of the person Grissom hand-picked because he trusted her more than anyone else. Maybe she could go back to San Francisco. Maybe she could point her finger somewhere on a map and go there. Maybe it was time to be anywhere Gil Grissom wasn't.

She spotted him in the hall and got up to talk to him. What about, she didn't exactly know, but she'd figure it out eventually. Any excuse to talk to him these days.

He walked down the hall, interrupted constantly by Judy giving him messages or someone else wanting his attention. Sara was the furthest thing from his mind, and she couldn't help but think that wasn't fair. But before she could really start pondering the unfairness of it all, her world all of a sudden got very hot and very quiet. Later she'd find out Catherine left a hot plate on in the lab and it exploded, almost taking Greg Sanders with it, but at the moment, she just thought the world was ending. Her world, anyway.

Somehow she found herself sitting outside, dazed and confused, not really knowing where she was or how she got there. Ambulances and fire trucks were hovering in the street. Grissom found her, and she was never so grateful for his presence. He had a concerned look on his face, and gently picked up her hand.

"Are you okay?" Grissom asked, looking at a small, bloody wound on her palm.

"Uh-huh," she said, distracted by the warmth of his voice.

"Honey, this doesn't look good."

Sara shook her head. "It's fine. Cleanup's going to be something. We should get started."

Grissom stared at her, penetrating her soul with his empathy. "You need to get stitches."  
"I'm okay."

"Would you take care of her hand, please?" Grissom shouted at the EMTs. One of them, thankfully not cheating son of a bitch Hank, came to her aid, and off Grissom went before she had a chance to say anything else. What a perfect opportunity, too. Typical.

The explosion seemed to awaken something in Sara. She wanted to take risks; live dangerously. Why not? Nothing was happening in her personal life, so why couldn't she make her job a little more interesting? She proved this to everyone when she drew her gun and busted a bad guy in his bathroom before the cops even cleared the scene, which got her into deep shit with Captain Brass, somewhere she never wanted to be.

"I hear you think you're indestructible now," Nick told her while they were investigating yet another perp's dirty, disgusting apartment. Sara didn't have anything to say to her good friend's genuine concern.

"Have you ever had a gun pulled on you?" Nick said, his eyes penetrating her.

"No, I haven't," she said, and felt like shit. Nick had been through so much during his time as a CSI, and here she was, banging down doors and pointing her gun at suspects in uncleared bathrooms. Sara knew she needed to rethink her new-found freedom, but she wasn't ready, not quite yet. She was still on a mission.

A few hours later, she stood in the locker room, thinking about what she was about to do. A deep breath, some perfume, another deep breath. And she was ready.

Grissom was in his office, just like she knew he'd be. After all this time, she was getting very good at figuring out his routines.

"You...got a minute?" She asked timidly.

He did, but not before he gave her a lecture on taking life into her own hands.

"We got the guy," she said defensively.

"Is that all you have to say?"

That was actually not all Sara had to say. Now or never, She thought to herself.

"Would you like to have dinner with me?

Grissom looked puzzled. He didn't look annoyed or surprised or happy. He just looked puzzled.

"No," he said simply. What kind of answer was that?

"Why not? Let's...let's have dinner. Let's see what happens."

"Sara, I don't know what to do about...this," he said, making some kind of gesture that seemed to indicate 'this' was not them but some entity that he would rather not define.

"I do. You know, by the time you figure it out, you really could be too late."

He looked tongue tied. Like he had absolutely nothing to say to that. So instead of making him come up with something, she turned around to leave. As she walked down the hall, she could hear him getting up and turning off the light in his office. While she was dying to stop and wait for him to catch up with her, she kept walking. Again she had tried to fight for what she wanted, and again, it didn't work out. It was time for a new plan; one that didn't include him, or at least didn't include her being destructive in both her private and public life.

"Sara! Sara, wait. Please, just wait a second."

He came after her. This was something new. She hadn't prepared for this scenario. Stopping dead in her tracks, she waited for him to catch up. It's like he was walking in slow motion down the hall, each step taking longer than the last.

When he caught up with her, he took her wounded hand gently in his. Instinctively, she thought of Boston, when he took her hand and massaged it before they kissed. For the millionth time she found herself thinking, _why couldn't he take the risk?_

"I know it's hard," he said softly. "Sometimes I want the same things you do. But when I use my head and think of the consequences..."

"There doesn't have to be any consequences. We can do 'this', Griss. Like I said, why don't we just see where it goes? It could be the answer for both of us."

"I don't need an answer," Grissom said, and it hurt. It hurt more than it ever possibly should.

Sara smiled sadly and tried to walk away again, not wanting to continue this brutal conversation.

"Wait," he said, and she did.

"I know this isn't what you had in mind when you came here, and for that, I apologize. If we were in a different profession; if we met with different circumstances, things might not have worked out the way they did. But Sara...at least we'll always have Boston."

She was going to cry, and a lot. Usually Sara tried not to make a habit out of crying in front of people, but if Grissom didn't let her go soon, it was going to happen. Thankfully he let go of her, but in fragments, like he didn't want to lose his grip.

"Sometimes I wonder if you even remember Boston," she said. "Because it really seems like you've done your best to forget."

Grissom looked at her closely, and she had to look away. The look on his face was a little too intense for what she had in mind that night. But not for the first time, he surprised her.

"I remember. I remember that skirt you wore, and how long your legs looked peeking out from under it. I remember what you wore underneath that skirt. They were black. Lacey and black. I remember how your lips tasted the first time we kissed. I remember what it feels like to lay next to you, sleep next to you, wake up next to you. And I remember how I felt when you walked out of that door, not knowing if we were ever going to see each other again. I remember it all, Sara, I have a fantastic memory. But that doesn't mean I can let it happen again. You were my student and now you're my employee. It would be wrong to take advantage of that. Please, don't make this any harder than it has to be."

Well, that was more than he'd said to her in the past 3 years combined. Leave it to him to be silent for so long and then come out with something so beautiful. The man defined frustration.

She could have kept the conversation going. She could have used her conversational skills to get him to admit to more. Instead, as she tended to always do, she let him off the hook. She smiled at him again, sniffed back her tears, and said, "You're right. We'll always have Boston. See you later, Griss." The only satisfaction she had in saying those words was the fact that he was watching her leave yet again.


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N - Honestly I'm not 100% happy with the way this chapter turned out, but I think it goes with the overall tone of the story. Why am I telling you this? I don't know! Thanks much for reading and reviewing.**

_Las Vegas, February, 2005_

There she was. There they were. She was giggling about something like an unashamed schoolgirl. It didn't help that Grissom was smiling back at her, no doubt in on the private joke they were sharing.

Sara didn't like Sofia from the moment she laid eyes on her. There was something off about that woman. It wasn't just because she was all over Grissom whenever Sara happened to see the two of them in the same vicinity. Well, okay, it was mostly for that reason. But Sara had the feeling that even if Grissom wasn't even in the equation, she and Sofia wouldn't have much to talk about.

In the two years since she swallowed her pride and asked Grissom to dinner, she'd had been through both a downward spiral and a revitalization. After nearly getting a DUI, she spent some time in therapy dealing with some of the bigger issues. She was learning not to put her feelings for Grissom and unavailable men in general ahead of her own needs. That was hard. Really hard. But ultimately, she felt better than she had in way too many years to count. Sometimes a certain look from Grissom would make her pause and need to catch her breath. But not as much anymore, which was a nice feeling of progress.

Catherine, who was eating a cheeseburger in the break room while Sara picked at her salad with complete disinterest, looked at Sara, looked back to where Sara's eyes were glued, and chuckled.

"He's not interested in her," Catherine said softly. This jolted Sara out of her salad hypnosis.

"What? What, do you think-"

"Cut the bullshit, Sara. Listen, he's not interested in her. Gil flirts with women; he always has. Sofia knows the deal. I know the deal. The only person who doesn't is you, and for good reason. With you, it's different."

"Catherine..."

"We've worked together for 5 years. Do you really think it's a secret? I'm not going to pretend anymore. So again, he's not interested in her. Stop staring at her with daggers in your eyes."

Catherine stared at Sara, daring her to deny anything she just said. Sara decided not to. Who else could she confide in?

"He went to dinner with her last week," Sara finally said. "Don't ask me how I know. I just do."  
"I heard the same thing you heard. But you know what I saw? With my own two eyes?"

Sara sighed. "What did you see?"

"I don't like to spread gossip, but I think you should know this. 3 hours after he asked her to dinner, I saw Sofia in the bathroom. She was crying. Like, not sobbing or anything, but she was definitely shedding a tear. I mean, have some pride, you know? At least wait until you get home to cry over a man who was never yours to begin with."

"Why would she be crying? They aren't even...they don't even..."

"I don't know. I guess she's just an emotional person. Or maybe what he said hit too close to home, if you know what I mean."

Catherine went back to her cheeseburger and opened up the newspaper. Sara supposed her co-worker and temporary confidante was done with the workplace gossip, so she let her mind wander.

It was just a week or two before that Grissom came to her house to check on her after she blew up at Catherine and Ecklie in the lab. He held her hand while she finally let it all out about her parents, her dark past, her demons. They talked for hours that day, and Sara had never loved him more. But although he listened and comforted and genuinely cared, he still showed no signs of anything else. With the therapy, Sara was coming to terms with the fact that even though he was interested, he'd never take the initiative. Maybe it was up to her. Maybe she was going to be the one to make this happen. Maybe he'd say yes this time. And maybe, just maybe, it would be worth asking him again.

"I'm not going to pretend anymore either," Sara said to Catherine. Catherine glanced up from her newspaper, looking doubtful but intrigued.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. But it's happening now."

"Now? Sara, come on, he's in the middle-"

Sara abandoned her salad and got up from the table. Catherine watched wide-eyed as Sara approached Grissom and Sofia at the vending machine. Sofia stared at Sara, obviously understanding she was the competition, if in fact there was competition in this situation.

"Hello, Sara. Sofia and I were just talking about Jane Doe and her—"

"Griss—Gil. Gil, I have some thoughts about a case I'm working on and I'd like to discuss it with you for a moment. Preferably in your office. Now."

Sofia was not pleased by these turn of events, but Grissom smiled. "Yes, of course. Excuse me, Sofia." From the corner of her eye she could see both Catherine and Sofia staring at them as they exited the room.

As they walked the short distance to his office, Sara was reminded of the elevator ride they took at his hotel in Boston. Oh, the anticipation she felt on that elevator ride...it was something she'd never forget. Now, nearly 6 years later, she was feeling the exact same thing. It was nerve-wracking.

Finally they reached his office. She closed the door behind her. Neither of them sat down or even moved from the door after it was closed.

"You don't want to talk about Jane Doe," Grissom said.

"No, I don't," she said. "I just needed to say something. I heard you went to dinner with Sofia, and then I heard it didn't go so well, and you've been giving me these looks lately, and then I told you about my family and you were there for me..."

"You're over-talking again," he said, grinning mischievously. "Why are you nervous?"

"I need something from you right now, Griss. I need you to do something for me."

"Anything," he said, and for once it looked like he really meant it."

"I need you to kiss me. That may not be romantic and it may not be a good start to something if indeed we were going to start something. But if your dinner with Sofia didn't go so well because of your feelings for me, I need you to kiss me. Okay? And if not, tell me that, too, because I'll need to leave and not see you again for the rest of the day."

Well, that didn't sound the same way it did in her head when she rehearsed it. But still, in heart she felt like she knew what would happen next. And again, it turned out she was right.

Even though Sara knew it was coming, and even though she'd been fantasizing about the moment for so long, the kiss still took her by surprise. Not to mention the little differences since the last time they kissed. His lips were softer now. He had grown a beard and it tickled her face in the most fantastic way. And maybe she was looking into it too much, but he seemed to want it more than he did in Boston. Whatever the case, she could feel his passion in that kiss, and it turned her on like nothing else ever had.

"That...was pretty much what I wanted to talk about," she said when the kiss ended, and it did not end quickly.

"I know we have other things to say," he said softly, taking her hand. "We'll get to them. Let's take this slowly, though. Let's do it our way. Let's give this the chance it deserves."

"I think that's a good plan," Sara said, smiling. "Can I ask you one last question, though?"

"You can. I might not answer it."

"What happened with you and Sofia?"

He sighed and scratched his cheek before answering. "Sofia is a colleague. She's very good at what she does and I admire her work. But that is all. Let's just say we had some wires crossed, and I uncrossed them at dinner. She didn't take it well."

Even though Sara didn't like Sofia, she still felt a great deal of empathy for her co-worker. She knew what it felt like to be rejected by Gil Grissom.

"Thank you," she whispered. "I'll see you later."

He kissed her again and let his hands travel down her body for an extra interesting twist. Hopefully they would explore this feeling more often very soon. But for now, work.

"Get out of here before I do that thing you like with my tongue and your ear," he whispered. She grinned and hurried out of his office. Things were happening now. It wasn't a new beginning, but it was a good start.

It wasn't perfect. Like every relationship, they had their ups and downs. They battled with serial killers and fought between themselves and there was a dominatrix that made things interesting there for a second. He proposed over a bee sting and she happily accepted, but soon she found herself lost in a sea of sadness all over again. She left for a year or two to find herself, but instead, Grissom found her. They got married and moved to France. And their love story worked out just the way Sara always imagined. They'd always have Boston, but now they also had Vegas. And France. And the restroom at Frank's. And the motel in Reno. And the ocean in Hawaii.


	13. Epilogue

**So this is the end. THANK YOU for all the reviews, thank you so much. It means a lot to me. I've been working on this for a long time and all the reviews make it so worth all the writer's block. Thanks to you, and thanks again to Vanessa for being such a kick ass beta. Thanks for reading, and please let me know if you enjoyed the story. I will answer comments in the next day or so, I swear!**

_Paris, February, 2010_

They had quite a history, the two of them. And it all led up to now. This moment in a cozy little nook in Paris, husband and wife, considering the wide open future in front of them while reminiscing on the past.

Sara wanted to ask her husband a question for a long, long time. Years, in fact. What kept her from asking it was not wanting to know the answer. But now she wanted to know, and didn't see any harm in asking. But instead of just blurting it out, she wanted to ease him into it.

They were sitting on the sofa, Hank the dog in between them, drooling happily. Sara had a sip of wine and took her husband's hand.

"I just wanted to tell you that this is the only place I want to be right now."

"Well, the feeling is mutual," Grissom said softly. "I know we've been through a lot to get to this point, but I think that makes it even more special."

Sara grinned, took a deep breath, and finally asked the question that had been on her mind for years.

"Do you think, if I had seen Doug first when I got to the hotel that night, we would ever find each other again?"

Grissom didn't even hesitate in saying, "Of course we would."

"Oh, yeah? How are you so sure?"

"We were inevitable, Sara. I've thought a lot about this. As long as you and I were on this planet together, we were inevitable."

It was the perfect answer. It was also something Sara thought herself for a very long time. But in the grand tradition of their relationship, it didn't make sense somehow. If he truly thought that, why were there so many years where so many things were left unsaid? Not that she was still bitter-she ended up with what she wanted, and so much more. But there was that lingering question...

"I'm sure you want to know why it took me so long to act on it. It took me some time to figure it out. Give me some credit-at least I did eventually."

"How did you know what I was thinking?" She asked him, smiling at her all-knowing husband.

"I know how you think."

"I've never known how you think."

"You know I've been trying to work on that..."

"I know, honey. Thank you. Thank you for making it so easy for me." They shared a kiss; a good kiss that was more than just passion or comfort or sex. It was a kiss that had so many years behind it. A kiss of hope that the next 12 years wouldn't be as hard as the 12 years before. A kiss for the future.

Grissom clutched Sara's hand tightly and a contemplative look shadowed his tired face. It was his quote look. If she knew Grissom at all, and she liked to think she did, he was about to quote something.

"This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it," he whispered. "Emerson. It's a quote I came across recently that made me instantly think of you-of us. I didn't always know what to do about it. But when I figured it out, everything changed. For the better. Thank you for being patient with me. I'll spend the rest of our lives trying to make it up to you."

"Sounds like a fair trade," Sara said. They grinned at each other, and then the kiss turned into something else; something worth waiting for. While Grissom drifted off to sleep, she gazed out of the window at the falling snow, thinking of how far they've come; pondering what comes next. If nothing else, they'd always have Boston.


End file.
